The Him - Her (part 2)

A lonely walk down this black road.. I can't see anything in front of me.. Where am I? I lookedaround, trying to judge where I am. This is neither the normal world, and it doesn't look like Hades, and I am 100% sure that this is not heaven.. There is just a flat landscape around me, with no trees or anything, and no one around. There is no color in this world, just greyness, like black and white mix together. Sort of like those oldies movies. Maybe this is the resting place people always said that the dead will go before judgment day? That is even better.. at least I am dead.. As what the Japanese will say, death is as light as a feather..when the wind blows, it just carry you away..

I am not feeling any fear, any happiness or any emotional.. just simple emptiness. Maybe that is how a dead person would be. No emotional, no nothing.

And then suddenly, "HEY!" a voice sounded from somewhere behind me, and then followed by a stream of light laughter. "You ignoring me now, huh?" another giggle.I turned around, towards the direction of where the voice is coming from, and my emptiness collapsed.

Clara

She was giggling at me, and her eyes were bright, like the morning stars. Her hair was silky straight, and softly dancing with the wind. She had a white dress on, and this time, she looked.. angelic. NO. She is definitely an angel! From heaven! Maybe I was in heaven! I ran towards her as fast as possible, and my emptiness was replace instantaneously by joy. PURE JOY. I have never been so joyful in my life before, and then suddenly, the greyness disappeared , and the world was suddenly full of color! More beautiful and more lively then what you get from HD tv. The sky is blue, the landscape is green!

When I finally reached her, I was panting softly. "Clara.. Clara.." I touched her hand. Once more, my emotional changes drastically. Happiness, gone.


Her hand was cold.. too cold.. and her skin is white.. too white, like those dead people kind. All of a sudden, the smile dissapeared, her eyes were no longer sparkling. Her expression was sad, too damn sad, fountain of tears was pouring out from her eyes.. again the surrounding changes back to greyness.. and this time, the wind picked up strongly, maybe a speed of Beaufort scale no 10. "why did you wreck our future.. why did you greed.. why did you do things without thinking.." she whispered softly..

"Clara, I can explain.. Please listen to me!" I pleaded. But it was as if she did not hear my pleading at all. She continue to cry, and her voice was getting louder, and louder.. like someone turning up the volume knob slowly.

"Why did you do things your own way? Why didn't you think of me when you make the decision.. Why? Why?" She was literally talking loudly now.

I tried to match her volume by shouting back" Please Clara, let me explain! I really -"

"WHY ARE YOU A JIERK! WHY DID YOU WREK THE RELATIONSHIP THAT WE WORKED SO HARD TO MAINTAIN??!" She bellowed. "I HATE YOU!"

I tried to run towards her, but she seems to be drifting away. I tried to run faster to cover up our distance, but I never seems to be able to keep up.

"CLARA! I AM SORRY! COME BACK! COME BACK!" I shouted with tears streaming down my eyes, She mean everything to me. "COME BACK COME BACK! " I shouted till my voice went hoarse.

And then, BLAM. I felt my face exploded in pain.

Song for my season now

Desert Song
This is my prayer in the desert
when all that's within me feels dry
this is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice i will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life In every season You are still God
I have a reason to sing I have a reason to worship

Embracing music

Well Well, its really been a while since I last blog. No ling gan to blog at all. But now, at least got something to write about.

Well I must say this month, alot of things have happen. And I must also say, it really trigger my life. Think by now, most of the people reading my blog should know that I have withdraw from poly during the starting of this year. But then again, some of you might not know the actual reason. Its because I want to study music, nothing more then that, and nothing other then that.

Why? some people might asked. Why don't you study finish the 3 years, and then after that come out get a stable job? And then you can advance in music。 Of cause, these people are not wrong. In fact, their advice is rational. Their advice is good too. But then, I choose to walk this music path is because I really want my life to concertrate on music, I want to fulfill my life as a musician, not some other job. I want my life to really take music seriously, and I mean seriously.

And then another group of people might think that after I go into ns, my mind will not be so clouded with the "Ambitious" thoughts in my head. They think that I may be "chong dong" at this point of time. So here in this post, I just want to clarify, going into music is not a careless move on my part. I have already been thinking about it and praying about it since starting of this year. I am , and I will be going into music. I am going all out for it.

These few days are really a life changing experience for me. I admit, that I have been too lazy, too slack to really spend time on my gutiar skills and classical knowledge. But God really use some words from some of my closest leaders and my parents to wake me up. I felt terrible, I feel like as in a bomb just wenf off in my head. I really have been wasting time.

So now, I will be spending quality time on my music, God is first in my life, and then followed by music. All the others like work, serving etc etc can come after that. My main focus is on GOd and music, all the others can wait. Like what my leader said, If you really want to go for music, you better go all out for it. Its do or die. Which is entirely true.

Let my life be consume by music.